IM User Idiocity

The phone ringing has begun to irritate me no end. Taking it off the hook solves the problem but people then actually COME to me with there problems> Something had to be done.

I spent many an hour searching, between Baboviolent and Parges and what ever else I felt i needed to do, to find a LAN Messenger. I then installed the app on the LUSER Machines and 'educate'them, if that's possible, in it's use. Now I can comfortably sit at my desk and ignore them at my leisure.

I did not however consider that the general LUSER has had access to MXIT and thus has a base understanding that these programs can be used to talk to OTHER LUSERS.

Soon I began noticing a large increase in net traffic. I decided to check my internal mail to see if my suspicions where correct. Yup, departmental head mails. Never good. I open up the first one "My staff are spending there time talking on this new application you put on instead of doing there work" the rest where of the same caliber. I moved them to My Important Mail box I call Trash and proceeded to script an email warning everyone that I am monitoring there activity on the messenger (pfft like I give a rats ass) and will be dealing out punishment as I see fit for any activity I deem unproductive.

I randomly select IP Address and Disconnect them from the network. With a message saying Error: Your system has been communicating to frequently with the server. This could be due to Instant Message traffic causing high data transit loads. Please contact your Administrator and Quote the following Error Code: 15H0ULD835H07 A few moments later a few IM windows pop up with these codes. So I re-enable there external network connections and consider the rate that such things travel to be enough to quell this rebellious activity.

I decide to check the internal mail again. What's this I see, A base grunt LUSER has mailed me. "What did you expect when you installed this program" Poor Poor IP 192.168.0.192 your work was so so close to being done for the year. I pull out the back up tapes from last week and write over her current files.

I felt this was not satisfying enough I quickly VNC into her machine and leave it there open, disabling her keyboard and mouse. I notice she was busy typing a message in the IM to a friend on non-work related topics.

I IM her and demand she cease this activity immediately and give her 30seconds to close down her current IM Window. Being unable to use her input devices, she phones me but for some random reason, lets call it "cable ripped from wall" reason the phone disconnects when I answer. 30seconds later I shut down her pc and remove lock her username.

I then send an email to her "I expected karma to sort it out"